My Experience of Love & Real Loving !

My Experience of Love & Real Loving !

My first crush and my feeble attempts at trying to get her attention and somehow trying to be noticed by her filled most of my dreams, thoughts throughout the day and several visits around her house.  Such was the attraction that when I look back at myself doing such things they look so stupid now, but I guess that is what love does to one and makes everyone do stupid things.  The special feeling at seeing your crush pass by and just hoping that they will glance over and look you in the eyes and maybe some magic might happen.  All these kind of things just happen so easily and fast in fairytales, romantic movies and songs but in reality even if one were to stand a whole day in front of the girl’s house she might not notice you.  Reason being she might be busy doing something or might just come out of her house and pass by you without even noticing and thinking you are just another human being on the road or something.  Those days when getting all dressed up and trying to look your best and being present at the exact moment when your crush would pass a certain spot and loitering around that area for hours waiting for the magical moment to happen, Oh how cruel are these feelings that won’t let one think of any other thing apart from just catching a glimpse of your special someone who comes in your dreams and whose thoughts fill majority of your day.

Each day planning new schemes to grab her attention and to show off or to somehow trying to get in touch with her.  Trying to find out ways to get in her friends circle or somehow trying to find out which places she frequents and adjusting your own time table according to hers and to make sure you are present there trying to woo her.  And then after a few days she seems to disappear, probably unaware that someone has such feelings towards her and all this while she lives a completely carefree and normal life and moves on with life where on the other hand the guy unable to forget her finds himself lost and life takes so many different turns in his life.  Love makes the world go around and how I so stupidly fell in love with someone without even knowing that person and how most of my thoughts would circle around her and the thought of trying to impress her.  I guess growing up is all about trying to make sense of this new feeling, or basically some chemical or hormonal change that makes one feel that something really special is happening and that one person can seem so perfect and attractive that everything else seems of little consequence.

In this confused state, I once casually asked my best friend about his crush and he too shared similar experiences and I knew that I was not alone in the world to go through such emotions.  Soon I got tired of trying to impress this girl as it was obvious my pathetic attempts or lack of them accounted for the girl noticing me once and thereafter not finding me anywhere around for me not being able to keep up the schedule and not appearing for days together.  I knew my way of wooing was not gonna have much effect, but I did try for 1 or 2 days to impress a girl.

Little something about me I would like to share about my sense of clothing, I never knew how to wear clothes to impress someone.  My family certainly criticizes me for wearing something that makes no sense or looks so lazy that I better change them before I go out and this has been an old problem which my family suggests every time I dress up.  On the other hand I think that I have done great in terms of getting ready.  Because basically I wear jeans which happen to be either black or blue in various shades and any shirt that is washed is good to go according to me.  After years of trying to comb and brush my hair I found an easier alternative to my hair style.  Just part them from the side and run my hand once in the opposite direction and that sets my hair for any event.  Certainly what more does a guy need to do to look good, oh well lastly the grungy, grumpy and lazy stubble that grows after ignoring one’s face for long.  I do trim the natural mane and that biological asset to my face regularly.  I still manage to look decent with my stubble and with my way of clothing because most people I meet feel more comfortable around me and I gel well within the crowd with such distinguished looks and outstanding sense of style (a commoner in reality).  Maybe people feel less threatened around someone who already looks so harmless and laid back that they don’t feel awkward around me when I want to interact with them, this is the case even with the most random of people I meet.

Coming back to my wooing strategy, well basically its simple.  Just dress up and show up and hope for the best to happen.  I keep wondering why whenever I have a crush and till the time I realize and try to impress the girl, its too late.  Either the girl does not have a sense of time that someone is waiting over there all prepared trying to impress her Or that they just have found their special someone by the time I realized that hey I really kinda like this girl.

Though many a times girls do circle around me and in that case too I seem to be lost in my world for me to realize that a girl is trying to grab my attention.  My girlfriend told me once that not just she but her friend and one of her own cousin was attracted to me before we actually met.  They didn’t know at that time that my girlfriend was seeing me and shared their secret with her and my girlfriend told me this afterwards.  How ironical life is and love is, here I was thinking that I was the one trying to impress a girl and on the other hand without my knowledge there were so many girls trying to impress me, but I don’t know where I was because I failed to notice all these girls.

Probably absorbed in my mobile or thinking about a party that my friends were organizing, a movie, something on the TV or what I am gonna eat or drink.  I guess when these girls were trying to grab my attention I was already lost in my own thoughts and just physically passing by them without noticing a single one of them and without realizing that someone somewhere was having a crush exactly like I used to have for a girl sometime back.  Seems kinda funny how “Life comes full circle!”

I do find myself falling in love and coming out of it constantly.  Well coming out maybe due to losing the special feeling that initially is present when you meet someone new and maybe its attraction and not love, can’t be sure.  Those feelings of belonging, caring, liking, constantly having thoughts about someone and the joy of being in each other’s presence, etc.  Over time all these start to fade away and all these things seem so routine and mechanical that the relation starts feeling more like of a job and one wants to get away from it and catch a break or get some alone time and not be constantly under pressure to please the other person in the relation.  I guess attraction feels lovely and love feels like an attraction, something that in the end leaves one confused and unsatisfied of the whole concept of love and then one starts exploring options that are in abundance and just goes through the experiences in search of something that first moved the heart with such power and made one feel stupid yet so special at the same time, but sadly that feeling never comes back and resentment sets in and lastly one tries to compensate for the lack of feeling with gimmicks, clichéd things and trying to soothe oneself under false assurances that what happened earlier was just immaturity and that this time around everything is right and that over time maturity will not let one to do stupid things.  But that is not the case; for being stupid takes great innocence, But maturity at times demands cunningness and untrue behaviour and lacks real feelings or emotions (Something for everyone to ponder in retrospection!)

There is a void that is created which one tries to fill but the void never seems to be full.  Emptiness leads to a feeling of insecurity resulting in obsession and all kinds of rollercoaster ride of various emotions leaving one depressed and deprived of the joy of living.  Everything seems so mundane that one is totally unaware that it is after such experience of ravages and shaking the whole sense of living trying to find the real meaning of life and soul searching that the stage is set for the entry of true love.  True Love comes in when everything else leaves, its a feeling and experience like no other, it nourishes the soul and gives new energy to one’s being.  To find true love and find that person without any presumption, preconceived notion of an imaginary person, Or any of the initial attraction that makes one feel a basic biological need to connect is the most special thing in life.  True Love needs nothing superficial but just the willingness to accept it and embrace it with open arms.  Sort of like taking a leap of faith with someone when the time comes and then finding in it the joy like no other.

Hopefully everyone finds that someone really special and does not fall prey to false assumptions and hype surrounding the commercial and instant idea of love!

Happy Romantic Moments to Everyone!!!